Just the other day, my mum went ahead to ask me an outrageous question and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. ‘So when are we meeting your boyfriend?’ she asked. ‘ You know Mercy got married the other day in a spectacular wedding ceremony and some women from my chama were asking when they’d attend yours. Mary’s mum said she’s been seeing you around town with some guy…,’she continued. First of all, I am very single, though there are potential boyfriends out there so there is no one to introduce to my family at the moment. Secondly,I don’t understand how it’s anyone’s business when I get married, who I get married to and how I get married. Lastly, am I under surveillance? I can’t just walk freely in town holding someone’s hand or even smiling at some guy without some birdy running to give my mum the headlines. I make headlines,I know, I am an amazing source of news but please would people just mind their own business?!
Anyway, before I start ranting about this awful behavior, let me get back to the topic of the day.So I started dating when I was 19 and to be honest all through I haven’t thought of getting hitched to any of the guys I’ve dated.I’ve only dated four guys,so my experience might be a little green but I should’ve at least wanted to get married to one of them . I know you’re like, ‘ Bitch please, go lie to the Maasais at your place,'( whoever came up with that saying should be sued by the way) I mean almost every girl has planned all the details of their weddings probably even drawn their future husbands,but I have not been about that life. My parents got divorced when I was about 10. I know this is a bit of a cliché, blaming your problems on your childhood experiences but oh well, sometimes that is just the basis of most of your problems. I saw my parents struggle to hold on to their marriage but at some point they gave up. The fights, constant arguments, the awkward silence that followed after their heated fights, it was all a bit too much. I had always wondered for quite along time why they separated but with time I came to understand that sometimes some things are better let go than holding on to,yet you just keep getting hurt. Today we live like the Kardashians ( Me,mother and my two sisters) and we’re happy.So why on earth would I want to get married?
I remember asking my mum that question and the look that I got could trigger a deadly earthquake. I think I even peed on myself a little. My mother has a habit of scaring the living daylights out of someone with just a mere look.
‘You know just because your dad and I didn’t work doesn’t mean marriage is a terrible idea. You just have to be with someone you’re compatible with and one who makes you happy at all times. It’s challenging but you have to be patient and understanding so as to get through. It’s no exam.’
After nights and days of meditation and internalizing my mum’s advice,I slowly started getting a hang of this marriage idea. So what kind of man would I want to spend the rest of my life with? I don’t want to be with someone who I’ll later come to loathe and treat like garbage or ghost him( you can’t ghost someone you’re married to but I think I’d come up with a way to do so).Not to toot my own horn, but am that creative. It’s not such a bad idea to have an amazing companion with you for remaining days of you life or is it? So here goes my own definition of my perfect future husband.I still can’t imagine I managed to write this.
1. A man who fears, respects, believes and praises God. There’s nothing sexy than a man who honors the Lord and accounts on Him for Everything in his life.Hell I don’t want to be anyone’s first and real love. I don’t want to be anyone’s only love. His first and only true love should be The Almighty. Then me of course😉😘.
2. A faithful and loyal man. I don’t condone cheating and I’ve not been one to believe that a man is allowed to cheat. It’s not in his nature. I don’t even know who came up with such an absurd statement.Unless you’re like a dog and you just allow your nose to pick up any aroma and you follow it blindly. A real man will honor his wife and stick by her side no matter what. If you want me to look like Kim Kardashian let’s work on that. I can go to the gym, I can do squats and make my booty pop like hers but don’t go cheating on me with them other bitches and then come back crying and apologising for your mistakes.
3. I won’t lie and say money doesn’t matter to me because it does. We won’t survive on love alone. That’s common sense.And I don’t mean that you have to own half of Kenya or own ranches in Nanyuki for me to fall in love with you. I am not that materialistic. A man who knows what he wants and is ambitious enough to work hard towards achieving that, is perfect. I want someone whom we can build an empire together. It doesn’t matter if we’re starting from scratch or meeting each other half-way as long as we’re both focused towards making the best out of our lives, then I am satisfied.
4. Romantic, loving, caring and understanding. I don’t want a boring man. Date nights, some flowers, gifts, some few surprises would go a long way to making me a happy wife.Haha. Happy wife, happy life; one of my favorite sayings now. It doesn’t have to be exaggerated, something simple but thoughtful is enough. A man who will unconditionally love me despite my flaws, which are many by the way.
5. Looks don’t really matter, I’ll turn my man into my own Boris Kodjoe. Zari married Diamond and they’re happy. Money turns beasts into princes these days.😍
I can keep on writing a long list outlining the characteristics of the man I want but the most important aspect of any relationship is being happy with each other. People get married for all the wrong reasons…’ wacha nililie kwa range rover’ they say,then after four months the guy takes his range Rover to some other woman and because you were dumb enough to think that he had fallen deeply in love with you, you didn’t get the chance to invest in anything and so you go back to your ex shamelessly begging for forgiveness.
No matter what your reasons are, be sure to be content with the decisions you make. Put your happiness first!
Be sure to comment on this post and give your opinion and feedback.I will highly appreciate it.You can also share your own ideas of the man/woman you’d want to marry and other topics you’d want me to write about..Thanks.