Fear

Screenshot_2017-04-21-21-26-36.pngI am afraid of letting you see the real me

I cover myself with fake joy and laughter but deep down am worn out from the pain that I have experienced

I am not perfect but I fear that my imperfections will send you away

I hold myself back from telling you when I am sad and angry at you because I can’t quite get myself to open up to you. What if I say something and you opt to go?

I fear making mistakes and wrong decisions. You have your life all figured out and I don’t seem to have a clue of where I am headed to.

This make up and sexy dresses hide the scars on my body,  the acne on my face and the deep burns from my tears

I tell you I love you and open my heart up to you some times and you just go silent. am I that terrifying that you’re embarrassed by me? I need more creams and powder right? I don’t want to lose you that’s all.

I have fallen down,  been trodden on and spit on by those I trusted and my heart doesn’t believe in good people anymore but am still afraid of being alone.

When you look at me sometimes I feel  naked before you. You strip me bear of my innocence and courage. I whimper and cower before you. Am afraid of losing that feeling. I might be weak but at that point I feel the strongest.Strong with unexplained emotions

You hold my hand only as the night falls sometimes.  Seriously,  am I that shameful? Why do you walk with me if you feel that way towards me? Tell me baby. Can’t you see that I am dying here.

Most times I get confused and end up saying nonsense and talking gibberish just coz I lose words to tell you. Not because I have nothing to say but i am just afraid I might say something too forward or words that may seem too condescending  to you.

When you cut me off and act weird towards me it breaks me down. There is a sharp pain in my heart. I hate that feeling but what can I do? Am a fool hit by the cupid arrow. The Ardor Arrow.

They say love is the strongest act of witchcraft. Am I under a spell? Most of my friends think so anyway.  They say I am too good for you and here I am thinking you’re the better one. Huh,,, what a crazy world.

I know am writing this and I seem too confused still. I think i need Ed Sheeran to put my words in place and give me  better direction because I do not know where I am going with this. It’s just that sometimes you can love someone too much and end up not being enough for them.

Maybe am just forcing myself on you and if that is the case then spare me the heartache and tell me. Moving without direction is the most painful disease to man. It kills spirits  and breaks hearts into piece and I don’t want to be a victim of this terrible disease.

…and am out!

This short poem is for all confused and  mentally disturbed girls who feel lost in a love they can’t quite figure out and still hold on to that lost feeling due to fear of losing that little joy and feeling of belonging somewhere.

Loving and being loved back is an amazing feeling but when it is not built on reality then it is just but mere imagination. Be free and be yourself. It is easier said and done trust me I know. I fear speaking my truth and what I feel concerning certain actions but in the end I suffer inside and it does kill me slowly. Not being open leads to built-up pressures and ill feelings. These feelings  will one day burst in the open and the results can be deadly. So let loose and speak your mind. If they can’t take it then they don’t deserve you.

This article has been written to no one specifically. These ate just my own juvenile thoughts. So don't start texting and claiming to be the culprit that has been targeted.

 

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