Diary of a Love Bugged Psychotic Girl

Decemberfunny-love-quotes-for-him 20th 2015 10.30am…. You passed by me. Focused on your work…not looking back. Hell,  I bet you didn’t even notice me checking you out. I have not been one to believe that love at first sight is real but I think I felt something that day. But maybe just maybe it was the insistent fly that kept poking my face and moving around me trying to distract me from the heavenly sight… You!

January 4th 2016 12.00noon… Fate’s long arms dragged me to where you were again. Sitting in that corner of our favorite restaurant. I watched  as you gobbled that sandwich. The way your food pipe drowned that food down to your stomach. Oh my!  It was a sight to behold… I silently wished  i’d been that snack… for you to just hold me and tear me down with such passion.

January 14th 2016 13.00pm… You sat next to me at that damned seminar. They say when you meet your crush and he looks at you for a moment,  smiles and says hey,  you get butterflies. But what butterflies do they get or feel? I felt bugs… love bugs… crawling inside me… I felt like cupid’s arrow was repeatedly  being pulled into and out of my body.  It was as if love was mocking me… I was in utter disbelief… You noticed me. 😈

January 20th 2016 16.00pm: You asked me out for lunch. I remember being so nervous. I wanted to look sharp yet soft. Sexy yet mildly decent. I think I rummaged  through everyone’s closet, including my mum’s trying to look for a perfect outfit to impress you. I am not the type with the best body types or face but I had to do my best. I had already imagined  us getting married. I didn’t want to lose you due to my poor fashion sense.If I did,  I’d vow to walk in the nude for the rest of my life. Damn these clothes we were subjected to wearing due to an apple… an apple! Eve… we still have a quarrel.

January 26th 2016 15.00pm…  You kissed me. Yes suckers he kissed me!  Me Njoki Wamahenja not Wambui,  Atieno,  Nduku or Saima. Me… a girl with the most hideous names,  a klutz,  paranoia stricken, neuropsychotic, tummy  balkanized me. At that moment I wished I could fly… to the sun and back. Maybe then I’d  come back hotter. Fly to the moon? Fly to it for who?  What will the moon give me apart from awkward shapes. Crescent, I don’t know full… am already round enough. Gibbous… the name itself is scary.

February 14th 2016…17.00pm… you finally asked for my hand in marriage… the ring was fantastic… yes all the haters were there applauding. Screaming for me. And yes I didn’t just run leaving you there kneeling,  claiming that you were requesting for a business partnership. No I said yes with a wide-faced grin. Almost beating you up for not putting that ring on my finger fast enough. It had been a week of true love,  the hardships we had faced in our journey of love. I don’t know what you had been waiting for.

February 14th 2016… 17.00pm. The above data was a haux. Gotcha!  You actually took me out to the most serene places in town and we shared that glass of milk. You know I stole that glass and its in my most treasured pile of stuff that I  have stolen from restaurants,  next to the pile of vvip tags I steal from classified events. Hehe they never know am coming.

March 1st 2016… 19.00pm… I bought you a gift… I see how Shiku Wamatumbe looks at you.. she wishes she was in my place. Always hovering around us like a lost puppy. By the way Shiku go get yourself a cat or something. I am tired of you eyeing us. I think that’s why I have been falling down whenever I go because of those witch eyes. You think I’ll die?  Even if I break all my bones he is mine. Now where was I ? This knife I bought you symbolizes all the bad things, Shikus that we need to cut off from our lives. It is my promise to you that I will tinia everything that becomes an obstacle in your way.

April 30th 2016… 13.40pm…I think you must be tired of this. This sukumawiki mama Nani cooked for us tastes like a defaced shoe. It is a combination of rusty cheese, dried and rotten sauce and a vengeful chicken that had been roughly violated by its killer. I can see it in your eyes. The heaviness that you feel in you heart due to this meal. You want to cry but you hold back. Trying to prove that you at strong enough for me. But I don’t mind seeing your tears. So cry baby cry. I got you. Well for this meal. We should just sue the chef. This is a crime that deserves hanging.

My diary is full am out of pages… so as you read this let me go get Shiku Wamatumbe I think she’d serve as a great book to write about my romantic escapades with my one and only love…. Kinyau Kitunguu. I love you babe😘😘😘 I think I am getting too emotion( pun intended)  now. 😢

*skips casually heading towards Shiku’ s house*😇😈




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